Messenger's Burden

I received a single-line message from a distant friend on Facebook, which read: "What r u doing now?"  What am I doing now?  I almost blurted out to say: "RIght now, I am breathing.  Or am I?"  But instead, I faltered and decided to remain silent.  I was doing so much and so little, all at the same time.  How could I respond to such a friendly, but misdirected question?  I let the messenger go empty-handed.

Utility's Song

Anything can be useful

Depending on what you want to do with your life.

Please don't tell Phoebe this and that won't be useful for her to learn

Before you've even asked her what she hopes to do with her life.

Even after you've heard what she wants to do,

Her plans may change, and after all,

It is Phoebe herself, who will need to work on

Making good use of what she's learned.

No one , not even herself, can tell her in advance

What will be useful, and what not.

It is entirely up to her, in the moment.  Phoebe, go hide in the utility closet

While people who don't understand say this and that

And make useless assumptions about you.

They ought to be ashamed.

So Much for Innocence

As a boy, I loved fat girls.  Without even realizing I loved them.

What I also did not exactly realize, or care to know, was the fact

That some people may consider those girls fat.

I didn't.  Being fat was too abstract and relative an idea for me.

Instead, I thought to myself, fondly, that they reminded me of

Animals.  Mothering mammals, like cows and pigs.

Which was very mean.  But I meant no harm, although

I know, and I also knew back then, that there was no way

I could be excused.  But as much as I ought not be excused,

weren't we all, all of us, victims of certain preconceptions?

That humans are completely different from, and superior to,

animals--above all, to cows and sows.

That fat girls easily become objects of ridicule.

In reality, I was laughing and smiling because I loved them,

But no one, including I myself, would ever forgive me.

To this day, I deserve no forgiveness.

And yet, I would like to ask: Are cows and sows so terrible?

I am terrible, but cows and sows and fat girls are not terrible.

Not Even a Poem

Today, I will be literal and say:

One needs to be persistent.  In life.

Two Golden Phrases

"You do not understand what I am going through" and

"You do not know me" are, to me,

Two golden phrases.

They are totally different from "No one

understands what I am going through" and "No one

knows me," which amount to little more than

Childish exaggeration.

The magic is in the address--"you."

You may not know me, you may not understand,

But at least, in this fleeting moment,

You are there for me, you truly are.  Thank

You, in a whisper.

A Selfish Being

I don't like animals at all, but I like their shapes.

I change friends more often than I change towels.  Seriously.

I despise most people, because I am afraid of being despised.  Gag,

I am a selfish being,

   But I will never admit it.

Times change,

   And friends do get old.

Silently, I pass by my old school, without saying a word...

Only the river flows on, as the saying goes...

Florescent Lights and Plums

There was a time when I would spend hours daydreaming about florescent lights and plums.  The florescent lights would come in all different shades--green, yellow, orange, purple-gray--and so would the plums come in all different states--ripe red, ripe green, unripe green, too ripened and pink, pickled, candied, caramelized.  I would sit in my chair that my grandmother once sat in, just once, when she came to visit, and watch the hallucinatory florescent lights and plums go by.  Then my long summer afternoon would be over.

Happy New Year!

Today marks the beginning of the lunar new year;

Happy thoughts of dragon.

I, forlorn, wrote three books in a dream.